Everything You Did Not Say

You never asked.

In your not asking, I have my answer.

When it’s all about you with never a queery about me, I have my answer.

This isn’t assumption; it’s an observation.

I waited for you to ask and you didn’t. Not once.

You spoke a thousand words to give me the answer I already knew.

➵ It’s probably the most honesty I have ever taken away from one of our conversations. 

Take good care.

The Better Question

If you knew you only had one more year to live, what would you do differently, if anything, than you are doing now?

⇒Would you travel more?

⇒Would you call that person?

⇒Sell all your stuff and pursue a dream?

⇒Take that painting/writing/singing/acting class?

⇒Write that book?

⇒Take a risk?

⇒Spend more time with loved ones?

Quit that job?

⇒Stop that draining friendship?

⇒Dance more? Sing more? Party more? Read more?

⇒Laugh more? Cry more? Love more? Hug more?

⇒Live each moment and take it all in?

⇒Record your life moments with a diary/photos/video?

⇒Leave a legacy?

⇒Remove everything that wasn’t necessary so you can concentrate on what is necessary?

The better question is: How do you know you don’t only have one more year to live?

 

You Can’t Get There From Here

You can’t cry your way to happiness.

You can’t eat your way to weight loss.

You can’t sleep yourself into energy.

You can’t spend your way to wealth.

You can’t hold a grudge and have forgiveness.

You can’t find a partner by hiding inside.

You can’t get there from here.

If you want a change in your life, you have to change something.

Start small. Starting with small steps eventually creates a path to get you to where you want to be; repeated small steps along the same route construct a clearing for us to continue towards our destination.

I started on my trail to happiness by ‘unlovinging’ my previous partner 1% a day. That’s all I did; every night before I went to sleep, I told myself when I woke up, I would love him 1% less. (I wasn’t sure how it worked or what that really meant, but that wasn’t the point.)

It wasn’t long before I stopped crying everyday and I started to notice I wasn’t missing him as much anymore. And just like that, one day I didn’t love him anymore. It wasn’t a dramatic flash when I first realized I didn’t love him anymore; it was more like a ‘did I leave the iron on?’ moment.

If someone would have said, “Just stop loving him”, that wouldn’t have worked; I couldn’t get there from where I was living. You can’t just stop loving someone you love.

Like attracts like.  Small steps will attract additional small steps, permitting you to take the bigger steps towards where you want to be.

If you have an unhappy aspect in your life, start with small changes, even as small as 1% and watch them add up to 100%, without much additional effort on your part. But the caveat is you must act, you must have the action, no one can do it for you.

Because you can get to there from here, eventually.

Just Shut Your Cake Hole

no-free-advice-590

People like to hand out free advice or opinion, especially if you are going through a life event. Unless you have been specifically asked, such as “What do you think?” or “What would you do?” please, for the love of Gods, keep your opinion to yourself.

People just want to be helpful, I get that. But have you ever considered your particular quip might be the third or fourth person that day who has chimed in? Do you like to be reminded how wrong or stupid you are, two, three, or four times in a day?

Or that the person has figured shit out but hasn’t said anything?

Or that you may just be adding fuel to the fire?

OR that your advice is just plain dumb?

Not to mention that one person who feels it’s their duty to inform me with a tidbit or gossip about my previous partner. That’s just an asshole thing to do. Unless I ask you about him, shut your cake hole, would ya? Newsflash: I don’t care. Also, I don’t care. In addition, I don’t care. [Also makes me wonder if you are passing information along to him about me. Hmmm…]

I’m not exactly sure why some people feel they are Dr. Phil or CNN, spewing crappy advice or news at will. But it’s annoying as hell. So stop it.

Sure, if you know I’m about to sign a document that will wipe out my savings, stop me. If I’m about to get messed up in a scam, please, say something! If you feel I’m in danger, by all means, speak up. But for the life skills and day-to-day living and struggles, let me be. Let me learn MY way.

I have stopped telling people my personal battles in fear that I’m doing it wrong. In fear I’m stuck listening to their advice ad nauseam. But especially in fear that I will have to cross off one more friend.

If you know someone who is struggling, whether it’s an illness or a life event, do your best to refrain from telling them what to do or what you think they should do. If they trust you enough to talk to you about their problems, just listen.

Just listen, without mentally forming your reply. Be that person who is a witness to the words and thoughts that are expressed. Be that person that acknowledges the pain, sorrow and worries – a simple yes nodding motion will do. Be that person they know won’t tell them they are doing it wrong.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions, most people like to know you are interested in hearing their thoughts. And most people won’t answer if they don’t want to, but for the most part, they like the questions, it shows you are paying attention.

And NEVER, EVER, EVER, say or reply with, “Everything happens for a reason.” Ever. There is never a good time for that rubbish saying. Well, maybe that one instance in time which is appropriate, Never O’Clock. But other than that…

Just listen for their specific request for your opinion before handing out yours. Otherwise, the only words they want and need to hear from you are, “How do you like your coffee?” or better, “Shall I open another bottle?”