The Better Question

If you knew you only had one more year to live, what would you do differently, if anything, than you are doing now?

⇒Would you travel more?

⇒Would you call that person?

⇒Sell all your stuff and pursue a dream?

⇒Take that painting/writing/singing/acting class?

⇒Write that book?

⇒Take a risk?

⇒Spend more time with loved ones?

Quit that job?

⇒Stop that draining friendship?

⇒Dance more? Sing more? Party more? Read more?

⇒Laugh more? Cry more? Love more? Hug more?

⇒Live each moment and take it all in?

⇒Record your life moments with a diary/photos/video?

⇒Leave a legacy?

⇒Remove everything that wasn’t necessary so you can concentrate on what is necessary?

The better question is: How do you know you don’t only have one more year to live?

 

You Can’t Get There From Here

You can’t cry your way to happiness.

You can’t eat your way to weight loss.

You can’t sleep yourself into energy.

You can’t spend your way to wealth.

You can’t hold a grudge and have forgiveness.

You can’t find a partner by hiding inside.

You can’t get there from here.

If you want a change in your life, you have to change something.

Start small. Starting with small steps eventually creates a path to get you to where you want to be; repeated small steps along the same route construct a clearing for us to continue towards our destination.

I started on my trail to happiness by ‘unlovinging’ my previous partner 1% a day. That’s all I did; every night before I went to sleep, I told myself when I woke up, I would love him 1% less. (I wasn’t sure how it worked or what that really meant, but that wasn’t the point.)

It wasn’t long before I stopped crying everyday and I started to notice I wasn’t missing him as much anymore. And just like that, one day I didn’t love him anymore. It wasn’t a dramatic flash when I first realized I didn’t love him anymore; it was more like a ‘did I leave the iron on?’ moment.

If someone would have said, “Just stop loving him”, that wouldn’t have worked; I couldn’t get there from where I was living. You can’t just stop loving someone you love.

Like attracts like.  Small steps will attract additional small steps, permitting you to take the bigger steps towards where you want to be.

If you have an unhappy aspect in your life, start with small changes, even as small as 1% and watch them add up to 100%, without much additional effort on your part. But the caveat is you must act, you must have the action, no one can do it for you.

Because you can get to there from here, eventually.

Please Stay

After 27 years of being told the ultimate lie – ‘I love you’ – please forgive me if I no longer hold those three words in high regard.

Of course I love my children and I tell them I love you as often as I can, but that’s a sacred bond between parent and child, where the love is pure.

As for hearing it from someone I don’t share DNA with? Not so much. Will I ever trust those words from a man again? I won’t know until it happens.

Besides, there are far better ways to tell someone they are important to you. The one that sits on top of my list is ‘please stay.’

Please stay trumps I love you in so many ways.

When you sincerely ask someone to please stay, you are making a choice, not tossing meaningless words out of your mouth.

Please stay implies that when you are here with me, my life is more enjoyable. You matter to me. I enjoy you. I enjoy being with you. You are wanted and I want to be with you. 

“Must you go already? Please stay”, to someone who has come to visit you is the best approval rating for their visit you could ever offer them. It tells them you enjoyed their company and you don’t want their visit to end.

“Please stay, you haven’t told me about your ______ yet”, is the subtle praise of your presence and that you are interesting.

Please stay and work this out means right this moment, you are the most important person in my life. We are the most important thing to me at this particular time and space.

Please stay also requests that you share one of your most precious possessions – your time. It’s a gift that is instantly given and received, no wrapping required.

Also, it won’t take you long after telling the wrong people to please stay, out of politeness or obligation, before you learn to use it judiciously. After a few miserable long-lasting encounters you won’t be throwing those words around again anytime soon. Especially on social media, lest you have your best friend’s Grade Two neighbour’s grandmother’s sister-in-law sleeping on your sofa. For six months.

A sincere please stay is about the kindest thing you can say to one another.

When I left on my latest journey, I got lots of ‘I love you’ and ‘going to miss you’ but no one asked me to please stay.

I have a friend who has terminal cancer. There will come a time I can’t ask her to please stay anymore. That’s where the please stay becomes selfish; I’d only be asking her stay to make my life easier, not hers.

When she can no longer stay, all I will have are the memories of her, and at which time I will ask those memories to please stay.

Please stay, forever and a day.

I will know the moment that I have found The One, when after spending many hours together and it’s time for me to leave, he asks, “Do you really have to go? Please stay – shall I order us one more glass of wine?”

I hope I don’t cry.