Most people think that unconditional love means that the person you love can do what they wish and you should still love them, even if it hurts you.
This is why people stay in abusive situations. They assume that if they don’t, they aren’t giving the other person unconditional love.
This is so wrong.
Unconditional love should begin and end with you.
When you unconditionally love yourself, no one can rock your boat. No one can upset you. You stop searching for someone who will make you happy.
When your happiness comes from within you, no one can take it away via their actions or words.
When you unconditionally love yourself, it shouldn’t matter what your partner is doing. If they do something that is in conflict with your values or put you in danger, leave. When you respect yourself, this is the only option. Remember, you teach people how to treat you.
This isn’t selfish or narcissistic. This is self-preservation. When you take the burden of your happiness off of your partner’s responsibility, only then are you are in a true love relationship. Only then are you in a true unconditional love relationship.
Also, when your partner knows you alone are responsible for your happiness, they are less likely to do things that will give you grounds to leave. And if they do, they weren’t the right partner to begin with.
For example, a true partner wants to please their mate because it also makes them happy. They won’t overspend, gamble, drink too much, have an affair, and so on because it would mean bringing much unhappiness into their own lives.
People who unconditionally love themselves don’t do things to bring chaos into their lives and thus not yours.
Again, this isn’t selfish or narcissistic behaviour. Narcissists insist you make them happy. They insist they be happy without caring about your happiness. A narcissist will do things they know are different from your values and expect you to accept their behaviour, unconditionally. Their comfort will always be of the utmost importance, even if it means making you uncomfortable. See the difference?
I’ll never get married again but eventually I’d like a dedicated relationship. And I would like us to say something like this to each other:
Hey, I like you pretty good. You bring much joy into my life. I promise to never make you responsible for my happiness. I would like to commit to you in a reciprocal relationship filled with trust, honesty, friendship, love, joy, happiness, adventure, growth, and companionship. Deal?